Marriage Equality

The following is a letter I wrote to my state senator, David Valesky, upon encouragement of a friend of mine. Senator Valesky supports civil-unions, but not same-sex marriage. If you are in New York State, or know someone in New York, please encourage them to write their state senator. Check out the Empire State Pride Agenda's website for a form letter submission.


Senator Valesky,

Thank you for your response. I've actually been following your campaign for sometime now. I voted for you back in 2004, and I remember it was a close race back then. I was happy to help you unseat the Republican incumbent. So now I guess I am asking a favor back from you. I don't know if its fair for me to ask a favor, but as I've learned, it never hurts to ask.

This "same-sex marriage" issue is about much more than a form letter for me. I am a man married to man. I think people call us one of the "California 18,000" or whatever. I had always planned on marrying my boyfriend and then a convergence of events happened. My boyfriend had gotten into SUNY Update Medical and we planned a vacation to California to celebrate. Then we heard about the CA court decision, and Patterson's decision to recognize out of state gay marriages. It felt like God himself was giving us his blessing. So I called over to Poland to ask my boyfriend's mother for her blessing in our marriage (God's blessing was good, but my future mother-in-law's blessing was important to me too!!). So we turned our vacation into an elopement, with my husband's brother acting as our witness.

During this past year I've been living with the strange double-standard of being in a same-sex marriage. When getting him insurance through my work, I was repeatedly asked to fill out "domestic partnership" forms. One question in particular on these forms asks "Are you married?" I felt it was insulting and refused to sign them. I was legally married and should not have to do anything different than any other legally married couple. Now I am a realist here, so I brought in a copy of our marriage license as additional proof of our marriage, but I refused to call him my "domestic partner" or any such thing. We are married and he is my spouse. Eventually, after calling over some people's heads, I was able to get him on my insurance.

It all sounds so banal now, but every time someone treated my marriage differently, and tried to call it a different name, if felt to me that my love for my husband was being demeaned. I was as if our love was somehow different because our bodies are different. It was stressful and hurtful. This is why I feel so strongly that love is love and marriage is marriage. There is not a difference, and anyone who cites religion is hiding behind their own fears. People have cited the Bible against inter-racial marriage, women's rights, and even against abolition. We, as people, are all somewhat afraid of the unknown. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. But when individuals are demeaned because of others' fears... that is unacceptable.

I also want to give you some background on who I am. I grew up in the Hudson Valley, and lived in Boston and Seattle. I moved to Syracuse in 2003 for graduate school. I met my husband while we were both in school. After graduating, instead of moving away, we chose to stay here in Central New York. We fought the brain-drain and bought a house in Syracuse that we've been fixing it up for almost 3 years. Our property was previously used for student housing, and we have since converted it to our home. I have been involved with the University Neighborhood Preservation Association, 40Below, and the Onondaga Creek Revitalization Plan. I volunteered for the Downtown Living Tours and have started a chapter of Slow Food USA in the CNY region. I am very engaged and care about this community.

Senator Valesky, I am, by almost all standards, the type of young person this region wants to keep. Yes, young: I am only 28 and my husband is 24. However, my husband graduates from SUNY Upstate Medical in a few years. While we love Syracuse, we've been seriously thinking about moving to Massachusetts or some other state that has taken the bold initiative to out-right acknowledge same-sex marriage. I hope you can show me that you want people like me to stay. I hope you can show me that my marriage, and my love, is as equally protected and recognized as any other person's.

PSM

Blog Name

Apparently, *some* find my blog name off putting. Personally, I'm not much attached to it either. I am accepting nominations and love hearing people's ideas. Here are some ideas I like so far:

• "Mercurial Thoughts" (My current favorite, though I worry that might sound just as cold and technical as "System Observations")
• "Connecting Dots"
• "Homegrown and Naturally Sweet"
• "Green and Wild"
• "Confounded by Consciousness"
• "Eschewing Obfuscation"

Again, I'm not really attached to anything here, so keep the ideas coming!

Calvin Coolidge and Chickens

Everyone knows that I'm obsessed with chickens these days. I really want to have some chickens for fresh eggs every day. That being said, I came across this entry in wikipedia about "the Coolidge Effect" when reading up about the President:

The term comes from an old joke, according to which President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge," pointedly replied the First Lady.

The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, "Does each rooster service the same hen each time?"

"No," replied the farmer, "there are many hens for each rooster."

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.

Amazing.

Presentation Bingo

I go to a lot of presentations as part of my job. And living in a smaller city, I know a lot of the different presenters. In fact, it has gotten to the point where I can mentally come up with a list of different terms each presenter will use. For example, here is a list of terms I attribute to someone whom I value deeply:

• citizens
• visual quality
• Rome (or Roman)
• signature institutions
• redlining
• Philadelphia
• urban & urbane
• urban forestry

I have this strange fantasy of creating a bingo card with these terms on it. As he speaks each word, I check off that box. Eventually I will stand up in the middle of the presentation and shout out bingo.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really a professional, or just a kid in a tie.

How Path came to be

Path is a world that's been in my head since I was a teenager. Any game that I've run have been set in the world of Path (I didn't always call it that though). Now, I feel I've got some unique skills here when it comes to world building. I have training as a geologist, as a cultural geographer, as a landscape architect, and as a neighorhood / urban planner. So when I put something in Path, a lot of thinking has gone into that decision.

Path used to be a very high fantasy, sword and sorcery world. Dragons, elves, goblins, gnomes.... you name it. Spells were flung left and right. I was typically using D&D as the mechanic set for my games, and that brings with it a certain Tolkien-esque baggage. It made my world act like every other fantasy world out there. I just had different names for my cities, and different maps.

I was fine with this until two things: Brandon Sanderson and D&D 4th Edition. Sanderson's books show me fantasy worlds that weren't D&D and weren't Tolkien. And they were awesome, incredible worlds. Why have dwarves when you can have kandra? Why have arcane magic when you and have symbol-based magic? On the flip side, Wizards/Hasbro recently released an upgrade to the D&D line: 4th Edition. And you know... I didn't like it. Honestly, I gave it a chance. It's not that it's horrible or anything, it's just not what I'm looking for in a fantasy game. It make me question why I had to use D&D as a base at all. Why use a game system that has so much baggage?

Basically, each got me thinking and asking questions about Path. Why are there elves on my world? Why is there magic? What is magic, anyway? Who are the gods and why are they there? I asked "why" about some very big questions. And, not surprisingly, I started finding my own answers. I literally re-created the framework of my world from scratch. I started utilizing GURPS as a playtesting framework, which is by definition setting neutral. And this world, my own unique world, will be the setting for my novel.

A Novel

Well, I am taking the leap: I will write a novel.

I enjoy reading. But I also enjoy writing and story telling. I recently took a stab at a short story and have gotten some positive feedback and constructive criticisms. But really, I want to write a novel. So I am taking on the challenge. I will write a novel. This novel will probably preoccupy my blogging for the upcoming months. I'll be throwing out story idea, maybe comparing scenes. Expect me to talk a lot about my inspirations and my setting. Don't expect much personal reflection or social commentary. (Or maybe I'll be completely wrong and my blog will be my time away from the novel. Who knows?)

So let me start with the genre: fantasy. I love reading fantasy and it seemed the natural fit for my story. I've mentioned before that I have a world in my head: Path. This story will take place on Path. I intend to write about the Sammarian War. This war reshaped the cultures of a continent and I think its fascinating and epic. A lot of interesting figures emerged during this time and I am excited to tell their story.

Maybe I am taking on more than I can chew. I realize that a sweeping war epic can be really difficult to write. ... but I have to be honest with myself: it's where my interest is. If I fail at putting together a cogent novel, well... then I fail. That's not the point really. The point for me is that I write what I am interested to write about. The point is that I follow my passion and create that.

Wish me luck!

Random things about myself

So this fad to list "25 random things" has been going on for a while. The other day, I took the time to actually read some of them and found them really enjoyable. So to reciprocate, below are some very personal statements about myself. Please do take the time to read and enjoy them.

1. I feel blessed that so many friends have tagged me in notes, and blessed in general to have the friends I do. I appreciate you all thinking of me, even if it's just for a brief moment.
2. I am consciously trying to incorporate the words "bless" and "pray" into my life. I always hated these words because of the right-wing, but they are beautiful words and I intend to reclaim them.
3. I am working on being more creative. This is having the amusing side effect of making me more vocal with my opinions.
4. I confess that I am addicted to reading. I stopped for one week and had serious withdraw.
5. I care about, and am good at, too many things. While I am loathe to complain about it (I don't want to appear arrogant or unappreciative), it makes it really difficult for me to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go. For example, right now I'm debating between being a lawyer, a farmer, or an acupuncturist. Sigh.
6. I get really stressed when people try to demean my (gay) marriage. But at the same time, I think about the enormous strides that have been made with regard to gay rights, and realize that my stresses pale in comparison. I will proudly continue to inform and educate people.
7. I have always avoided being trendy at all costs. Ironically, this makes me just as beholden to trends. I realized this as a teen, and have since been trying to shake myself of this.
8. I have met great people in my fraternity and love many of them. At the same time, I find myself questioning the relevancy of such organizations in this day and age.
9. I have always considered myself an introvert and been proud of this fact. However, I have to acknowledge that life has turned me into an extrovert...!
10. The glass is not half empty. It's not even half full. It's completely full. Half with air, half with water.
11. I think that punning shows a love (and mastery) of language. It is a lost and unappreciated art form this day and age.
12. I am very aware of sentences ending in prepositions and misuse of adverbs. However, I also recognize that English is a living language and is allowed to evolve. (BUT NOT WITH THE WORD CHILLAX, WALLESKA!!!)
13. I love to travel, yet I love to be at home. I may never reconcile this.
14. I feel that Seattle is the most amazing place ever. I love it so much. It feels like heaven. But I also know that my life is here (on the east coast), and therefore cannot live in heaven during this life. It feels strangely appropriate.
15. I am deeply spiritual, traditional, and enjoy hierarchy. To this end, I worry that if I wasn't gay, I would have become a right-wing nut in the military.
16. Two driving emotions in my life have been avoiding shame, and avoiding disappointing others. I'm trying to acknowledge this, and let go of it.
17. I never had a father figure growing up. I long for one, but also realize that I am too much my own person at this point to ever allow someone to fill that role for me.
18. I believe that we are in a huge paradigm shift for our species. Peak Oil. Economic contraction (not just a recession or a depression, but contraction). Food insecurity. Community breakdowns. Lack of personal responsibility. I fear and hope for the future.
19. I have never smoked or done drugs, though I do enjoy a drink or two.
20. I am so much in love with my husband. I can see us old, gray and wrinkled together.
21. I am very aware of time. If I ever had a superpower, I would want the ability to manipulate time. Not travel through time, mind you! ... just the ability to create localized distortions in the flow of time. (ie, plant a seed and make it grow into a tree in an instant)
22. I have grown food in my backyard for two years now and love it. I want more land so I can have a mini-cow and chickens.
23. I think in systems. I always look at how connected / interconnected things are. I am hyper aware of how my personal choices can sustain many unsustainable systems and try to make my choices responsibly (buying local food, supporting independent businesses, etc). (See 18)
24. I adopt the persona of a wacky, harmless jokester. I feel this allows me to bring up things in a non-threatening half-joking manner. At the same time, I feel it hinders me from being taken very seriously.
25. There is a world I've been creating in my head since I was in high school. I call it Path. It has cities, cultures, wars, histories, magic and gods. I've used this world as a setting in a few roleplaying games, and am now attempting to do some writing about this world.
26. I can see both sides of every argument and sometimes debunk my own points in an argument. Ironically, instead of making me wishy-washy, I feel it has given me very strong convictions. I make informed choices based on equal examination from both sides. I also believe I am a very good teacher / communicator because of this.

Well, I would up with 26. I hope you learned and / or understand some things about me a little better. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you are all well.