A Random Reflection

I have played around with haikus, but usually eschew poetry. However, I was looking through my old notes and saw some really poetic stream of consciousness writing. I though I would share:

Let the words express form and the
goals seek
union. Never cherish that which is lost,
And hold dear the beauty of the moment.
For loss lays quet duldrums through the mind.
Better listen to life's soliloquy:
The rapture of love, and the thrum of joy,
Glistening, shining, dancing, sparkling,.
But the heart remembers, yearns for the lost.

Then seek with the mind the balm for the heart.
Listen. Listen, hear and understand loss.
Map out the despair while holding hope's light.
And of life's drudger that chains you down,
while seeking to find the source of despair?
Pause,
reflect,
and focus.

Walk straight, head high.

A Novel

Well, I am taking the leap: I will write a novel.

I enjoy reading. But I also enjoy writing and story telling. I recently took a stab at a short story and have gotten some positive feedback and constructive criticisms. But really, I want to write a novel. So I am taking on the challenge. I will write a novel. This novel will probably preoccupy my blogging for the upcoming months. I'll be throwing out story idea, maybe comparing scenes. Expect me to talk a lot about my inspirations and my setting. Don't expect much personal reflection or social commentary. (Or maybe I'll be completely wrong and my blog will be my time away from the novel. Who knows?)

So let me start with the genre: fantasy. I love reading fantasy and it seemed the natural fit for my story. I've mentioned before that I have a world in my head: Path. This story will take place on Path. I intend to write about the Sammarian War. This war reshaped the cultures of a continent and I think its fascinating and epic. A lot of interesting figures emerged during this time and I am excited to tell their story.

Maybe I am taking on more than I can chew. I realize that a sweeping war epic can be really difficult to write. ... but I have to be honest with myself: it's where my interest is. If I fail at putting together a cogent novel, well... then I fail. That's not the point really. The point for me is that I write what I am interested to write about. The point is that I follow my passion and create that.

Wish me luck!

Random things about myself

So this fad to list "25 random things" has been going on for a while. The other day, I took the time to actually read some of them and found them really enjoyable. So to reciprocate, below are some very personal statements about myself. Please do take the time to read and enjoy them.

1. I feel blessed that so many friends have tagged me in notes, and blessed in general to have the friends I do. I appreciate you all thinking of me, even if it's just for a brief moment.
2. I am consciously trying to incorporate the words "bless" and "pray" into my life. I always hated these words because of the right-wing, but they are beautiful words and I intend to reclaim them.
3. I am working on being more creative. This is having the amusing side effect of making me more vocal with my opinions.
4. I confess that I am addicted to reading. I stopped for one week and had serious withdraw.
5. I care about, and am good at, too many things. While I am loathe to complain about it (I don't want to appear arrogant or unappreciative), it makes it really difficult for me to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go. For example, right now I'm debating between being a lawyer, a farmer, or an acupuncturist. Sigh.
6. I get really stressed when people try to demean my (gay) marriage. But at the same time, I think about the enormous strides that have been made with regard to gay rights, and realize that my stresses pale in comparison. I will proudly continue to inform and educate people.
7. I have always avoided being trendy at all costs. Ironically, this makes me just as beholden to trends. I realized this as a teen, and have since been trying to shake myself of this.
8. I have met great people in my fraternity and love many of them. At the same time, I find myself questioning the relevancy of such organizations in this day and age.
9. I have always considered myself an introvert and been proud of this fact. However, I have to acknowledge that life has turned me into an extrovert...!
10. The glass is not half empty. It's not even half full. It's completely full. Half with air, half with water.
11. I think that punning shows a love (and mastery) of language. It is a lost and unappreciated art form this day and age.
12. I am very aware of sentences ending in prepositions and misuse of adverbs. However, I also recognize that English is a living language and is allowed to evolve. (BUT NOT WITH THE WORD CHILLAX, WALLESKA!!!)
13. I love to travel, yet I love to be at home. I may never reconcile this.
14. I feel that Seattle is the most amazing place ever. I love it so much. It feels like heaven. But I also know that my life is here (on the east coast), and therefore cannot live in heaven during this life. It feels strangely appropriate.
15. I am deeply spiritual, traditional, and enjoy hierarchy. To this end, I worry that if I wasn't gay, I would have become a right-wing nut in the military.
16. Two driving emotions in my life have been avoiding shame, and avoiding disappointing others. I'm trying to acknowledge this, and let go of it.
17. I never had a father figure growing up. I long for one, but also realize that I am too much my own person at this point to ever allow someone to fill that role for me.
18. I believe that we are in a huge paradigm shift for our species. Peak Oil. Economic contraction (not just a recession or a depression, but contraction). Food insecurity. Community breakdowns. Lack of personal responsibility. I fear and hope for the future.
19. I have never smoked or done drugs, though I do enjoy a drink or two.
20. I am so much in love with my husband. I can see us old, gray and wrinkled together.
21. I am very aware of time. If I ever had a superpower, I would want the ability to manipulate time. Not travel through time, mind you! ... just the ability to create localized distortions in the flow of time. (ie, plant a seed and make it grow into a tree in an instant)
22. I have grown food in my backyard for two years now and love it. I want more land so I can have a mini-cow and chickens.
23. I think in systems. I always look at how connected / interconnected things are. I am hyper aware of how my personal choices can sustain many unsustainable systems and try to make my choices responsibly (buying local food, supporting independent businesses, etc). (See 18)
24. I adopt the persona of a wacky, harmless jokester. I feel this allows me to bring up things in a non-threatening half-joking manner. At the same time, I feel it hinders me from being taken very seriously.
25. There is a world I've been creating in my head since I was in high school. I call it Path. It has cities, cultures, wars, histories, magic and gods. I've used this world as a setting in a few roleplaying games, and am now attempting to do some writing about this world.
26. I can see both sides of every argument and sometimes debunk my own points in an argument. Ironically, instead of making me wishy-washy, I feel it has given me very strong convictions. I make informed choices based on equal examination from both sides. I also believe I am a very good teacher / communicator because of this.

Well, I would up with 26. I hope you learned and / or understand some things about me a little better. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you are all well.

Where goes the intention

As a follow up to my last post, I've been thinking about what it means to be successful at something. Confidence is one part yes, but I realize it's also about where I'm putting my energy. To get specific, right now I have a bunch of balls in the air. I usually do. Here they are:

1. Get a chapter of Slow Food USA started here in Syracuse. You can read more about that here.
   
2. Evolve Path. Path is the name I use for the world in my head. No, this isn't some crazy thing (I don't think....), but I use it for running my roleplaying campaigns and as the setting for my fantasy writing.
3. Fix up my house and yard.
   
4. Plan for my wedding. Yes, I'm getting married. Next August 8th.
5. Get in touch with my musical side. I recently reached out to initiate contact with some folk musicians in the area (Syracuse / Central New York has an amazing folk scene).
6. Start a small side business (see previous post). I've settled on the idea of being a designer for people's houses and landscape. My spin? I'd be doing it with an east/west fusion of principles. When all is said and done, I have some strong credentials to stand upon with this one: Masters of Landscape Architecture, Bachelors in Geology and Geography, and nearly ten years of experience with Feng Shui and eastern aesthetic principles.
7. Stay involved with my fraternity. Once a brother always a brother. My home chapter closed down this summer and I've spoken about working to organize my chapter's alumni and get something started again in Boston.
   

Phew. My point in all this is, confidence is good, but focus is better. Where goes the intention, goes the energy. My intention is scattered. Here is my resolution about these tasks / foci below:

1. Slow Food. Getting this chapter started is very important to me. I also believe it will help with my wedding, as I want the wedding to have a strong component of local food involved. This one get's the majority of my attention right now. I should do something about this daily.
   
2. Path. At it's core, this is make believe and I do realize that. It's a fun stress relief to contemplate on this one. This one get's some attention, mainly as a stress relief. Spend a few hours a week on this.
   
3. Home Improvement. It's getting into fall. Things are winding down. There are still some projects that I want to get done before spring, but again, this is not a high priority. This is also a stress relief (when things don't explode on me). Spend a few hours a week on this.
   
4. Wedding. This is my ceremony comitting myself to Mike for this life. Super important to me. This one get's the second largest part of my attention. Mike and I really need to finalize our guest list and talk to places about getting our reservations together.
   
5. Music. This is another creative outlet / stress relief. I realized I don't have the time to committ myself to anything serious right now. I am just going to join the local community choir to keep my chops warm until I have more free time. Spend a few hours a week on this.
   
6. Business. Yeah... Not going to happen until this Slow Food thing has a bit of its own momentum and my wedding is complete. Spend no time on this until next year.
   
7. Fraternity. Another "Yeah....." This one is also not going to happen. Honestly, I started my home chapter way back as an undergrad. It's time to let someone else carry the torch. I would be very excited to support someone in this, but it's not going to be me leading the charge. Spend no time on this until I see someone else taking a leadership role.
   

Phew again. It's good to sort all this out. Daily focus: Slow Food and the wedding. Weekly / Stress Relief: Music, Path and Home Improvement. See Ya Later: Business and Fraternity.