This was going to be a simple Facebook post, but as you can see, I had a bit more to say. Enjoy my words!
I will not do justice to all the people and presentations I encountered. I will not be able to convey the beauty, love and dedication put into the rituals and ves. But I want to share one memory: the boast.
Saturday night at the Grand Sumbel we did one round of a the horn instead of three, focusing on the boasting. Boasting has always been a problem of mine. People have accused me of being arrogant and vain, which has always upset me. Personally, I have always found myself to be self-effacing and self-denying. Thank you Christianity, for those lovely "virtues" (I say not in spite but ruefully amused). Boasting does not come easily to me, but it is one of the aspects that drew me to Heathenry: the belief that one should stand tall, proud and heroic before the ancestors and gods, instead of bowing low and making yourself less before one god.
The horn came near me. Almost my turn to boast. The man next to me detected my elevated anxiety and asked if I was okay. I nodded, focusing on the task ahead, but it did help calm me. While I didn't at the time, I want to say now that I thank you for your attentiveness and concern.
And the horn was in my hand. I could see nine boasts before me. It was a good number: a boast for each realm, for each step before the venom hit, for each day on the tree. I started by sharing that at the last Trothmoot in 2012, I was struggling with a sudden divorce, struggling with depression, fearful of the overwhelming anger and pain within me, and trying to adjust to a very different life than one I anticipated. And now, three years later, I was overflowing with beautiful things happening in my life. In no particular order, my boasts were as follows, complete with pictures:
- Last fall I transmuted the trauma of my divorce, and become ordained to marry others. I did this at the behest of a pair of friends who wanted me to preside over their union.. Shortly thereafter was approached by two others to also perform their wedding! They were beautiful ceremonies and I was honored to share laughter and words of love with them.
- I dismantled my back steps and rebuilt them with dry laid stone with the help of many friends, fixing some rot and drainage issues on the back porch and allowing me to finally get to a place where I could get the house repainted.
- With the back steps getting fixed, I worked with a historic home consultant to chose colors, after 8 years of paralyzed indecision. And then turned around and got an amazing contractor to actually paint the house.
- To put myself out there creatively, I teamed up with a friend and sang at an open mic night last summer. As a "thunder bass" I am most comfortable singing underneath others, supporting their voice. Well, I pushed myself into the spotlight. I had a lot of fun doing it, and greatly appreciate my friends who showed up to support me.
- I bought a banjo, an oft ridiculed instrument that I have always found beautiful and soulful, and I'm slowly learning how to play.
- I have taken two writing classes, exploring my creative writing. (Below are sketches of the city where my main story takes place.)
- I joined a new gym, and got involved in powerlifting with some amazing people. I hit some personal records that made me very happy and even got a brozne metal at the Gay Games. (Though I regret I have recently fallen off the wagon with my training here.)
- With the help and support of an amazing man, I have transformed my body, gaining 100 lbs over 3 years. Sixty of these pounds were gained over the first 6 months! (And yes, mothers out there, I go to the doctor's regularly to check my cholesterol, etc. and always get a clean bill of health). My relationship to my body and to food has definitely gone from a place of self-denial to self-love.
- Finally, a friend and I, during Pagan Pride last year, concocted a plan to create a runestone with one of the spare bluestones from my back steps. She and I outlined it, and over the course of a month I carved and painted the runes, erecting the runestone in a local park on Halloween night with another friend.
After sharing all these boasts,** I raised the horn, not to honor myself, but to honor all the people who helped me along the way. I honored the good friends and the folk who supported me during my exploration.
I sat down exhausted. That was a lot of spotlight. But a magical thing happened from this act. During the rest of Trothmoot, people came up to me, thanking me for sharing. I was honored and somewhat uncomfortable by the praise. But then a very wise man, while thanking me, told me how sharing my story, my journey, my victories over the last years inspired him and many others at sumbel. Not in a way where I was set apart, but instead as an example for others to follow. I did these things. I am one of our community, just like you. You can do these things too.
I sat down exhausted. That was a lot of spotlight. But a magical thing happened from this act. During the rest of Trothmoot, people came up to me, thanking me for sharing. I was honored and somewhat uncomfortable by the praise. But then a very wise man, while thanking me, told me how sharing my story, my journey, my victories over the last years inspired him and many others at sumbel. Not in a way where I was set apart, but instead as an example for others to follow. I did these things. I am one of our community, just like you. You can do these things too.
... And that's when I got it. Yes, boasting is a personal thing to increase ones honor and luck. But simultaneously, it increases to honor and luck of the community present. It is not about raising a pedestal to oneself, but more akin to a rising tide for all boats in the harbor.
And so, I repost here and elaborate on my boasts on the internet. Thank you all for reaching this far, and sharing this rising tide with me.
* Trothmoot, ECT, fraternity conferences and conventions, Camp Cthulhu, etc.
** These oaths are a slight variation on the ones from Grand Sumbel, but some information I don't want shared on the interwebs quite yet.
