Random things about myself

So this fad to list "25 random things" has been going on for a while. The other day, I took the time to actually read some of them and found them really enjoyable. So to reciprocate, below are some very personal statements about myself. Please do take the time to read and enjoy them.

1. I feel blessed that so many friends have tagged me in notes, and blessed in general to have the friends I do. I appreciate you all thinking of me, even if it's just for a brief moment.
2. I am consciously trying to incorporate the words "bless" and "pray" into my life. I always hated these words because of the right-wing, but they are beautiful words and I intend to reclaim them.
3. I am working on being more creative. This is having the amusing side effect of making me more vocal with my opinions.
4. I confess that I am addicted to reading. I stopped for one week and had serious withdraw.
5. I care about, and am good at, too many things. While I am loathe to complain about it (I don't want to appear arrogant or unappreciative), it makes it really difficult for me to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go. For example, right now I'm debating between being a lawyer, a farmer, or an acupuncturist. Sigh.
6. I get really stressed when people try to demean my (gay) marriage. But at the same time, I think about the enormous strides that have been made with regard to gay rights, and realize that my stresses pale in comparison. I will proudly continue to inform and educate people.
7. I have always avoided being trendy at all costs. Ironically, this makes me just as beholden to trends. I realized this as a teen, and have since been trying to shake myself of this.
8. I have met great people in my fraternity and love many of them. At the same time, I find myself questioning the relevancy of such organizations in this day and age.
9. I have always considered myself an introvert and been proud of this fact. However, I have to acknowledge that life has turned me into an extrovert...!
10. The glass is not half empty. It's not even half full. It's completely full. Half with air, half with water.
11. I think that punning shows a love (and mastery) of language. It is a lost and unappreciated art form this day and age.
12. I am very aware of sentences ending in prepositions and misuse of adverbs. However, I also recognize that English is a living language and is allowed to evolve. (BUT NOT WITH THE WORD CHILLAX, WALLESKA!!!)
13. I love to travel, yet I love to be at home. I may never reconcile this.
14. I feel that Seattle is the most amazing place ever. I love it so much. It feels like heaven. But I also know that my life is here (on the east coast), and therefore cannot live in heaven during this life. It feels strangely appropriate.
15. I am deeply spiritual, traditional, and enjoy hierarchy. To this end, I worry that if I wasn't gay, I would have become a right-wing nut in the military.
16. Two driving emotions in my life have been avoiding shame, and avoiding disappointing others. I'm trying to acknowledge this, and let go of it.
17. I never had a father figure growing up. I long for one, but also realize that I am too much my own person at this point to ever allow someone to fill that role for me.
18. I believe that we are in a huge paradigm shift for our species. Peak Oil. Economic contraction (not just a recession or a depression, but contraction). Food insecurity. Community breakdowns. Lack of personal responsibility. I fear and hope for the future.
19. I have never smoked or done drugs, though I do enjoy a drink or two.
20. I am so much in love with my husband. I can see us old, gray and wrinkled together.
21. I am very aware of time. If I ever had a superpower, I would want the ability to manipulate time. Not travel through time, mind you! ... just the ability to create localized distortions in the flow of time. (ie, plant a seed and make it grow into a tree in an instant)
22. I have grown food in my backyard for two years now and love it. I want more land so I can have a mini-cow and chickens.
23. I think in systems. I always look at how connected / interconnected things are. I am hyper aware of how my personal choices can sustain many unsustainable systems and try to make my choices responsibly (buying local food, supporting independent businesses, etc). (See 18)
24. I adopt the persona of a wacky, harmless jokester. I feel this allows me to bring up things in a non-threatening half-joking manner. At the same time, I feel it hinders me from being taken very seriously.
25. There is a world I've been creating in my head since I was in high school. I call it Path. It has cities, cultures, wars, histories, magic and gods. I've used this world as a setting in a few roleplaying games, and am now attempting to do some writing about this world.
26. I can see both sides of every argument and sometimes debunk my own points in an argument. Ironically, instead of making me wishy-washy, I feel it has given me very strong convictions. I make informed choices based on equal examination from both sides. I also believe I am a very good teacher / communicator because of this.

Well, I would up with 26. I hope you learned and / or understand some things about me a little better. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you are all well.

The Faceless Minority

I've been reflecting a lot recently on being gay. Being gay, like the title of this post indicates, is like being a part of a faceless minority. Sure there are always pink triangles, rainbow flags, or I dunno... a love of Madonna. And there are gay actions, like being affectionate with a same-sex partner or spouse. But these are not intrinsic to the physical self. They are cultural symbols, overlain, and personal actions taken.

If you take a gay person and look at him or her in isolation, will you know this person is gay? Without a triangle or someone mentioning a same-sex partner, what is there to indicate homosexuality? Now mentally do the same for someone of Asian descent. Without the actions or the symbols, you can still tell this person is Asian. It's a part of this person's physical being. It is visible to all, regardless of symbols or actions. Gay people, in lieu of these items or actions, have literally no way to identify one another.

So when you're a teen, struggling to understand your own sexuality.... this facelessness can be terrifying. Personally, I grew up feeling I could talk to my family. But then, as a teen, I suddenly feared talking to them. Would they still love me? Would they dismiss my feelings? Would they pretend to accept me, while actually not? I had it lucky. A lot of other youths wonder: Will I get sent away to a conversion camp? Will I get beaten? Will I get kicked out of my house? As a gay teen, the sense of isolation can be overwhelming. You are all alone and faceless. And often, suicide is contemplated or attempted.

Now, to be fair, there are some "benefits" to the facelessness. Not every place is safe right now for gay people. When in those places, you can hide your identity. You don't take a gay action. At the same time, this is dangerous. You are forced to hide a beautiful part of yourself. This action of closing part of you soul induces huge amounts of shame. This is why I put benefit in quotes above: I honestly wonder if there is any real benefit. But this is at least an option other minorities don't have. The key is to balance feelings of safety with feelings of self-worth.

For me personally, my family took the information well on the surface, but I feel emotionally they haven't yet come to grips. Over ten years later, they are uncomfortable when my husband and I hold hands. They notice when I sit close to him, or put an arm around his shoulder. When he and I exchange a quick peck on the lips, they call it an "inappropriate public display of affection." (Yes, public affection they call it, even when it takes place in the privacy of a house) Being gay has no look, only an action, and these actions remind my family of my sexual identity. It makes them uncomfortable, and it makes me feel ashamed for being myself. Now I can get over my feelings of shame, but I cannot change their feelings. I can only pray that someday they will be fully comfortable with all of me.

Fasting

(This is a copy of my post at the Slow Food CNY blog)

Fasting. While this is a blog about food, I want to post about the absence of food. If you think about it, the slowest food possible is the food that never reaches your mouth. ;-) While I am not Catholic, I personally find this time of year a good time to fast. The long of winter is (mostly) behind us, and spring is around the corner. Time to do some internal spring cleaning, I say.

Almost every year, I conduct a carbohydrate fast, or some variety thereof. This year I am trying to fast from wheat, refined sugars, and artificial sugars. The wheat is because I am curious if I have a slight allergy to wheat. The refined sugars are because I want to loose my winter weight. And the artificial sugars are on the list as more of a spiritual objection to the overly sweetened foods we have so readily available to us. I want to cut down on the sweetness. (Sorry, but I am not giving up honey this year.)

Does anyone else around here fast? Do you do it for spiritual reasons or health reasons? (Or both??)

Illegal Immigration

Today I got a forward from a relative of mine. I believe this relative was well meaning, but there was such malice and fear behind the forward, I could not help but to respond. The forward read something like this:

You think the war in Iraq is to blame for our budget problems (and hence our economic problems)? No, it's the fault of illegal immigrants. We're spending billions of tax payer dollars on them. Here's a list of 14 items proving it. Contact your legislators so we can kick them out!

Now, I agree that there are a lot of problems with illegal immigration in this country, but my relative's forward did nothing but vilify the immigrants. So I responded with a list of my own. Here it is:

1. Calling people "illegal immigrants" hides their humanity. You forget they are also human beings, people like you and me. I am going to refer to them as people, not illegal immigrants.
   
2. We did have a push for immigration reform a few years back. Unfortunately many (but not all) Republicans blocked its passing.
3. A lot of people are leaving the horrible economic conditions in their home communities with the hope and promise that there are jobs here in America.
4. Many (not all) of these horrible economic conditions are caused by political instability and policies of globalization. It is now widely understood that much of the political instability in developing nations during the past century came from US government backing dictators and coups. (Read "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" or "Shock Doctrine" if you don't believe me)
   
5. These people would not have jobs here in America in the first place if legal Americans didn't hire them.
6. Legal Americans are hiring them because, as employers, they don't have to pay taxes on them (hence the tax burden gets shifted onto the rest of us - ie, the cause of some of those figures the forward lists).
7. To not vilify only the employers, I'd like to point out that many legal Americans would not WANT these jobs, working incredibly (and possibly illegally) long hours at pesticide laden fields, multinational big box warehouses, or in meat processing facilities.
8. Horrible, unsanitary and dangerous jobs like these would not exist at all if consumers cared about more than buying the cheapest item on the shelf. Think about that next time you bite into a beautiful, store-bought strawberry. Try to imagine who picked it.
   
9. Finally, as much as it sucks that our government spends a lot of money on illegal immigration, I would rather have my government spending money within the country to try and fix our internal problems, than spending it halfway across to world to kill people.

We are all connected in this globalized world. Think about the consequences of your actions and the consequences of your spending choices. And in the worlds on one wise man, "Cast not the first stone."

Richard Einhorn

This is my second post about a man-crush. This time around, I have a man-crush on Richard Einhorn. It all started with a simple invitation. One of my more musically-inclined co-workers invited me to an oratorio about Charles Darwin called "The Origin." He was performing on the clarinet and offered me discount tickets. He also told me that the piece was composed by Richard Einhorn.

"Who?" I wondered. And then I searched YouTube. Here's what came up:



The Passion of Joan of Arc with Einhorn's Voices of Light. Good god. I listened to all eight parts. I was moved by the film. I was moved by the music. I cried. It was wonderful. It inspired me to spend an afternoon reading about Joan of Arc and this film.

The film was thought to be lost for many years, until it was found in an Oslo mental institution. The story goes that when Richard Einhorn saw it, he thought:, "I must compose a piece to this!" And so "Voices of Light" was born with humble origins as a soundtrack, but so so much more.

Oh, and "The Origin?" Completely amazing as well. There were some performance flaws, but it never detracted from the performance. Great, great stuff. I look forward to finding a recording that I can own!

Organic Vodka

I am not a huge fan of most alcohol. I can appreciate beer and wine, but in the end, they make me feel somewhat sick. I used to wonder if I am allergic to alcohol (like, more so than most). But then I realized hard liquor has never bothered me. I never get the spins. I never get a hangover. Just a very nice buzz.

Now with beer and wine, you have micro-brews and locally grown wine. But what's a foodie who likes hard liquor to do? Well, you go to Al's Wine and Whiskey Lounge. This place is awesome. It has plush leather sofas and a nice book-ish ambiance. It has amazingly professional bartenders who can have a long conversation with you about the different whiskeys they carry. It's also in Downtown Syracuse and doesn't have a dedicated parking lot, which I think is great.

Now, as with anything I like, it has a weird history. When I first came to Syracuse it was called Awful Al's. It was a cigar bar. As a non-smoker, I avoided the place like the plague. Then NY became non-smoking. For a while, it held out as a cigar bar and had an ever greater concentration of smokers. Ick. But something changed. I don't know how, why or when. They changed the name. And now, I love them. Here's why:
You got it. That menu says domestic, organic vodka. This is what I have been waiting for. Instead of just being foodie about my beer and wine, I can be a foodie about my hard liquor too! Let me also point out the third item down: Rye. Now that is rye vodka, but they also had rye whiskey (perhaps I was a little too buzzed to notice the difference when this picture was taken). Anyway, ever since I read the Slow Food USA post about rye whiskey, I've had a hankering for an authentic Manhattan. That night I had two. Awful Al's - you rule.

Sorry, I mean.... Al's Wine and Whiskey Lounge. ;-)

Wedding Forager

So, what is a wedding forager? I mentioned this in an earlier blog and some people have been asking me this question. Well, if you do a google search you find... erm... my blog. Well then, that is strange. I don't think I'm making this up. I got the idea from our wedding photographer and friend, C.

M and I were talking with C about our color scheme and general wedding ideas. She's done a lot of weddings in her time and is a great source of ideas. I told her how we don't want the typical florist flowers that have been shipped across continents and covered in pesticides. No! We are committed to having a local, slow food type wedding. Our solution? Instead of having a wedding florist, we would have someone pick local wildflowers and use whatever is in season. C provided us with the term "wedding forager."

So I expect the wedding forager to go out the day before and the morning of the ceremony. She (our forager is a she) would find whatever flowers are in season and pick them. We also gave her creative license to forage for anything else that would look good as a center piece. Basically, we are letting nature (and our friend's instincts) tell us what our center pieces will be. We haven't talked boutonnieres yet, but I figure they would be along similar lines.

We already asked Y/M if she would be our forager, and she agreed. I also want to ask Z to be a co-wedding forager. Z is from this area knows many of the local fields intimately. Y/M is not from here, but she has an incredible design eye. I think these two women will make an awesome team.

And that, my friends, is a wedding forager.

Pizza frite

I wrote in an earlier entry about my love of pizza frite and how important it is to me. Well, I had my husband take some photos of my brother and me making pizza frite this past Christmas and I thought I would share them. Enjoy my photo tour of one of my most personal food experiences.

You start out with some pizza dough. Make it yourself, or buy some from the store. Stretch it out and then cut it up into crazy pieces.

Be sure to make lots of cuts and holes! My brother and I like to find images in the frite (kind of like looking at clouds). Every year we seem to make at least one Christmas tree, one crab and a bunch of fishbones. I wonder what that says about the two of us.

Fry up the dough pieces in a skillet of oil. Flip them over with tongs and brown both sides. When you take them out, we always cool the frite on some paper towels to help absorb the oil.

And voila! Pizza frite! We spread the Christmas brunch table with all sorts of sweet condiments for the pizza frite: jams, maple syrup, honey and powered sugar. But my personal favorite is sugar with some salt mixed in. Or if I'm feeling adventurous, just the salt alone. What can I say? I'm a savory guy.

Let me leave you all with one last picture. In order to pump these guys out you need a conveyor belt of activities, with one person as cutter and one as fryer. Here you can see the teamwork in action!