I have a big family and I have lots of friends. If facebook is any indication (which it honestly isn't) I have nearly 900 friends. I feel blessed to consider so many people friends. Many of these people are guys I have met through my fraternity. On a completely selfish front, I love know that, through my own networks, I could find a sofa to crash on no matter where I am!
So some might say I have quantity, but not quality. This is not true! On this end, I feel even more blessed. An extreme example, I have friends who I have known since we were all 3 years old. I have no memories that do not include these guys being in my life. They are like family. There are also friends from grade school, high school, college and grad school that I consider true, strong and lifelong friends. They know who they are.
I rarely talk to these friends however. Maybe every couple of months I will talk to most of them, with my closest blood family getting a call every other week or so. I realize that unless people are actually physically close to me, I don't make a big effort to reach out. I don't like talking on the phone, nor sending long emails. (Heck, I barely even write these blogs, which are essentially letters to myself). Does this make me a bad friend? I guess it's a matter of opinion, but I can't get the quote out of my head:
"How we spend our days, is of course, how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard.I spend my days with the people who are immediately close to me, not the people who have shaped my life. If anything, this is where I give myself most criticism as a friend and family member. Because, when it all boils down, all of these relationships are built on one thing: communication.
I hear you. Weeks go by without my contacting people I think of as fixtures in my life. On some level that;s why I enjoy facebook. It makes knowing about the daily ebb and flow of life possible without picking up a phone or needing to be in the same office/school/neighborhood.
ReplyDeleteJames Rose wrote about how relationships (with landscapes) are built on large dramatic events that bind you, as well as the daily events that create familiarity. I think it applies to life too. Sadly I'm way too neglectful of the dailyness.
Must get better at it. I'll add it to the list.